Some thoughts on brokenness
I think I'm going to start updating this blog again. It's certainly been gathering some dust lately! We'll see how this sticks, my last post (3 years ago) I said the same thing!
I've been thinking a lot about brokenness lately. We all are broken, in one way or another. It is part of being human in a world full of suffering. No one likes to admit they are hurting though. We don't want to show weakness, we don't want to bother others with our problems, we don't want to be seen as a failure. But our weaknesses can also be our greatest strengths. Our brokenness allows us and compels us to depend on others to support us. We need community to thrive. If we never break down and have to depend on each other, we can continue on our merry path of self-sufficiency, not realizing the treasures of community that we are missing.
In my life, I have become exceedingly good at hiding my brokenness. I don't want to admit my struggles because I don't want to bother people with them, especially when so many people have struggles so much larger than my own. But in pretending life is worry-free, it helps no one. Other people see my life as perfect, or close to it, and wish they could be so carefree. Meanwhile, I stew on my faults and my fears in my own private darkness. I tell myself I don't want to bother people, but in reality I don't want to tarnish the image I have worked so hard to create.
Now if you know me well and are thinking to yourself, "Whoa, what's going on? Is Claire okay?" Don't worry!! Life is GOOD. I have wonderful family and friends who love me, a good job, a great place to live, and FINALLY some stability in my life. Having all these externals in order is a wonderful blessing. Life is about growing, and I want to work on tearing down my elaborate blind I have been hiding behind. Because ultimately that blind is all about me, and sharing my brokenness is about me too, but is about the real me. I want to be the real me, not the "perfect" me.
So bear with me...this will be a journey. If this ends up to be a bunch of boring navel-gazing, so be it - please do not waste your time reading such stuff if it is and I apologize for inflicting it on anyone in advance. I hope instead that by sharing some of my struggles others will find solace that they are not alone, and that we can lift each other up instead of struggling along our individual paths of darkness.
Labels: Being real